Off Topic: Musings about Birthdays, the Cycle of Life and Loss

Dad & Me

Dad & Me

It’s my birthday tomorrow. But apart from it being my birthday month, July is also full of other anniversaries significant to me and my loved ones. These anniversaries and memories trigger complex and seemingly contradictory emotions: a coming together and co-existence of happiness, sadness, loss, pleasure and reflection. I’ve struggled with reconciling these feelings in recent years, but today, while mowing the lawn with our back-breaking push mower in the fresh cold winter air, I felt a shift within, a moment of calm and acceptance. As you get older, life becomes very different, experiences are repeated and layered, contradictions have to be able to co-exist in order to be integrated into ourselves, if we are to get on with life at all.

Today, the eve of my birthday, is also the sixth anniversary of my father-in-law’s death: an event that was unexpected, shocking and intensely sad. My partner’s sister’s birthday is July 27. Six years ago, her father was buried on that day. My own father, who died less than nine months after my father-in-law, is keenly missed on my birthday, as are my grandparents and my Nanna. I miss their cards, phone calls and presents, but not because I miss getting “stuff”. It’s because I miss them. Those things are absent because they are absent.

1stbirthday2

My first birthday

And yet countering all this, new life emerges, as it always does. My partner has another sister, and she is pregnant with her second child. Her first child was born on July 17 two years ago; a few days ago we celebrated her birthday. Life persists, the cycle of life (and death) keeps repeating itself. July used to be significant for me in different ways: much simpler, happier ways. Birthdays meant parties, simple, child-like joy and receiving focused attention from parents and family. July was also the birth month of numerous cousins and school friends, many born the same month as me. It was a joyous time and I loved it.

1stbirthday

My first birthday

Birthdays are different for me now, and I’m OK with that. It’s part of getting older, it’s part of experiencing life and loss and integrating all of those complexities, about creating a new self that accommodates sadness and loss, as well as happiness and pleasure. Tomorrow I will experience another birthday, and I will focus on simple pleasures and appreciating life in the moment.

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6 thoughts on “Off Topic: Musings about Birthdays, the Cycle of Life and Loss

  1. Your rite of passage, or rather your sharing of it, provides a vicarious catharsis. Thankyou Polly.

    May your birthday be rich with whatever you most need. Bright blessings to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well said. Happiness and sorrow, life and death… The cycle of life, isn’t it? The world around us changes day by day but we can always keep the memories of our loved ones in our heart… that would never fade away. I’ve learned to rejoice life through grief.

    It is interesting that I read this post today. My scent of the day Samsara. You probably know it but the word Samsara means “the repeating cycle of birth, life and death”.

    Have a fantastic birthday, I’m thinking of you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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